Saturday, February 09, 2008

Day 9

Today was a breakdown. I started out weighing in at 206. For some reason this really discouraged me, I felt like I had lost weight and unfortunately my scales told me otherwise. My first reaction to my news was just to cut off the food for the day, I was determined to find some improvement. This was completely irrational and I know better. I managed to put off food until noon when I had a grapefruit. I finished the grapefruit and still found myself a bit wanton. I added a small bowl of lentil soup to the meal and felt fairly satisfied.

I had the afternoon to myself and was planning on enjoying a nice read for some rest and relaxation. I dozed off and awoke a couple of hours latter. I don't know what really triggered the binge that was about to follow, but for some reason I was perusing the fridge and found some remaining drunken goat cheese. It was probably about a 6 oz chunk. I thought, that would be a nice snack. I finished off the cheese in about 30 secs and this awakened a hunger demon in me that I had not felt in quite some time. I immediately devoured a rice crispy treat, which in itself was not complete meltdown, but I was still experiencing almost a primal hunger, primarily for some sweetness. I remembered that we had some ice cream and proceeded to inhale about 1/2 a pint of the certified organic, 100% all natural sweet, creamy chocolaty coffee goodness.

My senses slowly returned and rational thought prevailed. I guess the event was not as indulgent as I first perceived. It was the loss of mental control that interested me. How powerful the sense of hunger can be to transform a normal sane person into a ravaging beast simply for a few calories of fuel. The fact was I was not starving by any means. It was simply a lack of discipline and an example of how weak the mind can be when it lacks direction.

For dinner I had to deviate from the vegetarian diet for a bit. We were invited over to dinner and they had chicken and cheese enchiladas. I ate just a bit to draw attention. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.


lentil soup

hard drunken goat cheese
rice crispy treat
chocolate coffee ice cream

pinto beans
Spanish rice
cheese enchiladas with a bit of chicken
romaine salad
banana cake

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